Caitlyn Jenner revealed she almost gave up on living her "authentic" self after persistent photographers hounded her as rumors swirled of her gender change.
The reality starlet confessed a dark moment in her life which saw her think about ending her life with a gun in her home during her transition and before she introduced Caitlyn to the world.
The "I am Cait" star opened up to Bill Simmons on Wednesday night and said the scary thought came after she was pursued by paparazzi, who snapped her coming out of her doctor's office following an operation on her Adam's apple.
"I could not sleep that night," she recalled while appearing on "Any Given Wednesday."
Caitlyn Jenner, appearing on Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons on August 3.
(Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons via YouTube)"And I'm up at 3 a.m. walking up and down my hallways thinking, 'Damn, all this sh-- is going to come out tomorrow and it's going to be horrible.' And I said, 'You know what, easy way, go in the other room, you got a gun, let's just end it right here," she said.
The fleeting contemplation came at the "lowest" point in Jenner's life.
Jenner said she has had the best year-and-a-half of her life.
(Larry Busacca/Getty Images for Time)"That's like, the easy way out. No more pain, no more nothing. I don't have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don't have to deal with any of this," she explained.
That night, Jenner put the suicidal thoughts aside and went to bed. When she awoke, she realized it was the "stupidest thing" she had ever considered.
"I thought, 'What a terrible way to end your life's story!' I don't want my story to end that way, on a negative note," she said.
Instead, the grim moment propelled the 70-year-old to ditch her fears.
"That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, 'OK, I think I can do this,'" she said.
Jenner before her transition with ex Kris Jenner.
(David Livingston/Getty Images)Now, Jenner is "happier" and "more at ease" than she ever has been.
"I got my mojo back," she added.
Jenner gushed about her new simple days, recounting a recent trip to Las Vegas and how she use to go in the past and cross dress without being noticed.
"My life was so complicated. This time I went to Vegas. All I had to do was take one suitcase," she said.
Send a Letter to the Editor
Comments